Just me being me

I feel as if I have been neglectful...that's a real word right?...(side-note- I think the hubs and I make up words sometimes, then argue if they are really words, haha)...towards myself and my family. Some days I feel lost and I think it is because I haven't been building on me. I have become lazy since becoming a stay at home mom and since the summer hit. My house keeping skills have blossomed and I have been growing in the gospel, but I still don't feel like "me" anymore. Which is kind of understandable. My life went into overdrive when I got married and had Kaners and I don't think my mind has caught up yet. I got thrust into this new life almost blindly, I thought I knew what I was getting into but hahaha on me, I really didn't know. I wish I had a closer bond with my mom and had talked to her so much more about what was going on in my life, and still wish (this is what I meant on being neglectful on my family part), but I was naive and thought I could figure things out and could handle the weight of the world if I had to. And oh have I been humbled. I need to learn to ask for help when I need to and to not think that I know what is best in all situations. Most of my profound thinking never comes out into words because my mouth cannot say what my brain wants it to. It is especially frustrating to Nolen because he thinks I just don't want to communicate or something, and when I do try it comes out so jumbled and he can't understand what I want him to understand which then ends up with us both being frustrated; sometimes it does work out and we have an amazing conversation, but not always.
What sent my head into a tizzy last night, which kept me from falling asleep, was an e-mail I received from my Aunt Rose. My little sister had been visiting them up in Idaho this last summer and told my Aunt that I don't talk to my family that much anymore. At first I started to reason with myself thinking "oh I talk to them, just not my siblings as much as I do my parents" and then I realized that no I have SUCKED at talking with my family and my friends! It is almost like once I quit working and started staying home I disappeared! I am not sure if not having the freedom to go anywhere I please because I don't have a car has had so much of an impact that it has affected me mentally or what. And I don't think that is so because when it was cooler I took walks almost everyday and loved it, until the summer hit and I have been cooped up inside hiding from the heat. Whatever has made me so disconnected with the outside world I need to work on it and break out of this little cocoon I have built around me. I am loud and fun and down right crazy sometimes and lately I have been so BLAH and I HATE it so much. It isn't me. I want me back. I do come out sometimes and Nolen loves it! I just get into my old goofy, nerdy, happy self and just joke and prod and poke at him and we laugh and have fun. But life lately has sucked that outta me and I want it back NOW.

This is me, I am a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an Aunt, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, a granddaughter, a cousin, a neice, a friend and most importantly a child of God.
He loves us all and sends us all on journeys so we can learn and someday return to him.